The new success 5: Being yourself

nieuwe succes giraffes

With tons of book titles in the self help genre that suggest you are not yourself yet, or you’re not happy with the way you are right now (‘Finding yourself and the love you want’, ‘Breaking the habit of being yourself’, ‘Empower yourself’ and ‘Learning to love yourself’ to name but a few) it’s very hard to believe that you might be perfect just the way you are. Even though you’re not completely happy all the time. 

Even though I love a good self help book occasionally – and the idea that you can change your own life radically if you just do what the author tells you to do – I was very irritated with myself the other day in the gym. I really thought I should change something about myself that I really don’t like and changing it did not work out at that very moment.

My Not so stuffy-colleague talks to people she does not know quite easily. She’s good at starting a concersation with a stranger. Talking to people I do not know is not something I like doing nor am I good at it. Talking about this and that goes very well sometimes but at other times (when I feel a pressure that I create myself) I can’t think of anything and it literally costs me tons of energy. I find it much easier to talk to someone I’ve known a little longer and know what they like.

Now I’ve always really wanted to be more easy going around new people, but the fact is that it takes me lots of energy. They say you can create a new habit after 30 days. Or ninety? Or maybe even more? But even then, it’s so easy to fall back into old behaviour if you’re a born natural at something. And I don’t say this as an excuse. Who needs an excuse anyway. You choose. It’s your life ;) But it’s not easy accepting your own behaviour if you’re just not quite that happy with it…

By now you’re probably wondering what I was so frustrated about at the gym. Well my colleague keeps meeting lots of fun new people at her gym. She knows people by name and people she hardly knows bring her things from there garden. I also go to my gym regularly (not as regular as she does though) and I still don’t know anyone after 4 months (and about 15 training sessions). This past wednesday I thought I should change this. But …

There are two buts: I rarely go twice at the same time. So I keep on seeing new people. And I’m not fit enough to talk to someone whilst I’m doing my cardio session. I’m too busy panting and turning bright red in the process. And… that hill I have to take to talk to people… that’s three buts ;)

Last wednesday I was so annoyed with myself that I sucked all the fun out of my training session. And I was there to train to be fitter and not meet new people, mind you. And than I wondered? Who am I doing this for exactly? All the pressure I’m creating is really not relevant as it’s not my goal here. And now I’m ruining my session by making myself do something that’s not in my comfort zone while I should be out here creating a better health and a fitter me.

And I realised that if I did not feel an enormous wish to change this, and changes costs me a lot of energy right now, why would I change this? Can’t I just enjoy myself the way I am? Okay, I’m a little shy and introverted sometimes but I am able to hold up a good conversation and I have plenty of dear friends. So I’m pretty happy with the way things are for me. And I decided just there: this is also good enough. I can just enjoy being me. I’m fine!


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